On occasion I write about things I hear, read or listen to. My life itself, and the experience thereof, lends me the philosophical backdrop from which I write about various Left Hand Path related topics. There’s no issue here, except that sometimes it lacks depth. Sometimes it lacks my real purpose and goals.
But what are my real purpose and goals? Answering that would clear a way for each and every decision I make in life. To be quite honest, I’m not sure what my goals are. At least I’m unsure of my goals beyond that of becoming a whole being – the merging of the greatest field of expression (The Daemon) with the myopic mundane existence (Human existence). Neither are superior to the other and I feel that both are required for the totality of expression – the Supreme Individual (at one time expansive, like an ocean; and at the same moment myopic, like a spear head).
An idea popped in my head one day. The Daemon, as an expressive and expansive field, being part of me, is that part which moves slowly and perhaps lacks the cutting will and desire of a myopic expression. Just as an ocean in totality is massive in scope, it lacks the precision of a water pick. In this sense, the Daemon is the battery of magic (the power), and perhaps it required something of my state of expression… something personal, something focused.
I ran a test recently. I sat inside my ritual chamber, before the altar and I reached out to the Daemon… “What do you require, that I may invoke or manifest through our magic?”
A dialogue formed. The words that came to me were that I should run magic operations to “find the key to the Inner Sanctum.” This Inner Sanctum (although not stated) felt like it was a depth within the Daemon itself. By entering into it, I would conjoin my humanity to the expansive expression.
What is the key? How would I recognize it?
Regardless of my unanswered questions, I began using my anger and hatred (emotions I had recently experienced) to be reformed into this task. “Present me the key to the Inner Sanctum of my Daemon.”
Releasing these magic operations I went on about life and my life began to change. I started becoming aware of an old nature – that part of me that could (with great skill) manipulate situations to my favor. I had cast this off at one point, feeling I was being “evil” in inputting my will into someone else as though it was their own. An example of this was in the complete personality I manufactured in order to claim a boss as my benefactor. I so manipulated this employer that he shifted from the tyrant yelling at me on a daily basis, to bringing me into his personal life as his greatest friend. Honestly, I detested him. But I played my role. At the time I said, “I did this as need to survive.” Truthfully, I enjoyed it very much.
As I adopted a spiritual focus change, at the time shifting into ideas of Thelemic Will, I felt my actions may have been in error. Such manipulation, regardless if needed for financial survival, were corrupt as they changed the will of my task master. He became my puppet. Ashamed, I put aside those skills and spoke rarely of it, out of fear of judgement in others.
Now I find no judgement of my actions. Being a free person on the Left Hand Path, I ponder that old nature and if it was part of who I really am. If so, should I express it?
I’ve stated in this blog that the path of the Left Hand, is about Freedom, Liberty and Personal Responsibility. On the Individual level this is all true. Yet there will come a point where one’s personal freedom will be achieved at the disadvantage of another. In which case, we may wonder, “is this ethical?” Is my need greater than theirs?
I’m not giving a statement of fact here. I’m asking the question to myself. Is it ethical to think for myself, more than for others? I’m starting to not even care about the question and simply comply with the my Individual goals.
True Individuality (as I’ve mentioned in my writings here) in totality is not the human experience alone. It is the whole track from humanity to encompass the Daemon – so is my personal Bias. From this perspective, Individual goals will not focus on profane desires…. Yet, the profane needs are a requirement for the continuation of the work.
One needs the financial means to eat, to live and have moments of peace in which to dig deeply into spirituality. This requires physical effort to carve out such space. Money, power, and personal needs are in this way a requirement. However, if they become the focus, then the goals are a fixation upon the mundane world, and with that is the loss of the majesty of spiritual growth. Balance is a requirement.
All this to say, that at some points a physically individual need (money for example) may be required. When the boss is threatening with firing, and constantly belittling, then use your powers at your disposal to achieve your need. Even if you overtake their will. There is no shame in this. I was wrong to feel shame, and I see that now.
I began to accept the idea of being true to one’s nature, as the law of the land provides, and take responsibility for one’s actions.
Back to the Key to the Inner Sanctum… I began to realize that in my meditation, my personal practice, I was this Key. I was being shaped for the lock that would unlock a greater connection between myself and the Daemon.
The shaping has been in the mechanism of detachment of outcomes and expectation. To be free to adopt campaigns necessary to insure the work can continue… to make use of magic, or psychology to keep myself afloat financially. To ensure levels of safety and survival, and being willing to orchestrate change in those around me.
A Christian can be destroyed spiritually, not by condemnation or aggression, but through the allowance and careful guidance towards hatred. Tempt them with hating what they fear the most… and at last reveal, through another source, how their hatred is their guiding factor. Watch the confusion as they wrestle with an identity that they thought was godly, now revealed as averse to core principals preached. What a complete, and utter desolation of the Christian. It is as complete as it can get, but the work is treacherous and built on manipulation. Potential to backfiring it is a dangerous game, of guiding the fearful to fit under the thumb of control. Is it ethical? Who cares. Does it serve your greater good? The personal greater good is not riches, sex or market power. The personal Greater Good is in the achievement of Individuality and the works of the Left Hand Path. What do you need to get there? Pain? Hardship? yes. These are necessary… but at times we need and require financial needs to be met. We need to not rely on others for our daily life. That freedom can be achieved through magical means, or mundane manipulation. Such are beyond ethical concerns I think. Or am I wrong?