When I first started down the Left-Hand path, my perseverance was fueled by anger. I was resentful of the attitudes of Christians imposing their views upon others. Issues of my past began to surface, which was also enraging me. To be honest, I had a choice, I could have pushed it off, ignored my past, ignored the attitudes of others – or, I could engage it. Had I ignored it, I’d either have returned to the Right-Hand path modalities, or I would have become an angry/angsty LHP Initiate that didn’t seek the Greater Change.
These issues that surface, this is part of the path. Aside from Abrahamic faiths (Christianity, Judaism, Mormonism, Jehovah Witness, Islam, etc.) other Right-Hand path systems (like Buddhism, Hinduism, Daoism) do not require one to complete destroy their past influences. In these other systems of modern Right-Hand paganism, psychism, and the like, the aspirant can move between the systems and keep what they gained along the way.
For me, the Left-Hand path is very different. I had confront the past. When these elements started to surface (such as the memory of a relative forcing me to burn books), I no longer saw that memory as a silly incident. It became clear. It was a memory of mental abuse. It enraged me. Where before I let these things float by, I was now engaging with it. I was angry most days.
Especially after the Removal of Past Influences, I was especially angry.
Reason over Reaction
I’ve noticed changes in my path recently. I’m able to directly engage with people. I can confront and discuss without losing my head. As an example, I would always have anxiety whenever politics came up as a topic at work. Being heavily invested in a specific political identity, I found that the dismissal of my ideas to infuriate me. It was so bad that I stopped associating with those discussions and when they arose, I would leave the conversation.
Distant to the World
Over the past couple weeks, I’ve been able to deal with those conversations. I feel different. I don’t feel like I’m the finite human all wound up over some political issue. In fact, I feel a bit more distant to the issues going on around me. This, right here, is a point of controversy I’m sure.
Take the Temple of Set as an example. Many members of the Temple are engaged in the world around them. It is seen as the way they express the notion of Xeper. To Becoming or gain more Becoming, they feel they must express their nature and goals back into the world to create something new. They are perhaps artists, writers, and musicians. But more than that, there is a repeat pattern of engaging the world of political change.
Some High Priest’s of the Temple of Set are conservative and others are liberal. The Temple of Set doesn’t define what a member should think politically, but it does seem to engender the idea of getting involved with the world. This often takes the form of influence.
The Prince of Darkness
Yet I don’t feel that way. I don’t feel that by engaging more with the world that I grow (or expand) greater. In fact I feel the opposite. I’m not saying that I have this “tune in drop out,” attitude – but something quite a bit different.
When I talk to a co-worker and he flippantly states, “why should I care about the plight of others? My needs are met by the current political establishment. What does it matter to me if others are suffering? As long as my needs are met, I’m happy with what’s going on,” a month ago that might have set me off. But now I look at him and see this is a seed of Individuality.
Certainly, I feel he’s got it wrong. Certainly there’s a greater purpose than just to make money off the backs of others, but there’s something I can look at and say, “this is the early stages of the seed of the Prince of Darkness.”
When others step up and angrily react to such a person, explaining how they’re wrong, I look at that and see the expression of the Prince of Darkness as well.
This doesn’t mean I don’t engage, or have a view. In the above situation, I wrote about it in another blog1, but my response was very distant and calm. I do have views, but I’m no longer attached to an outcome. I’m no longer needing to be accepted as Right. I’m ok with being me on my path and seeing the chaos around me as life lessons.
I still get mad, make no mistake, but the level of my angst has dropped off considerably.
My growth in the path is different then I expected. Certainly I’m not aligning to the goals of various groups and orders that seek a direct and constant interference with the world. While I care about issues going on, I’m not wound up about them.
When I see the Christian bumper sticker, I’m not sneering or making a comment.
I suppose this is how the path should be… unique to each of us. We’re each coming to the Left-Hand path with our own past influences. Removing them is a continuous process and that will be different for each person.
While I have opinions, I’m not in an activist organization, nor am I resonating with strong views (either one way or the other) on topics. I care and notice what’s going on around me in this horrible place, yet I find comfort in the path.
This has led me to the realization that my reactions have toned down. I’m not wound up as much. I still get mad at traffic and bigots or religious hypocrites can still irritate me, but I’m dealing with much more capability than ever before.