Year 1. My year 1. Meaning, this is my first step into a Left Hand Path spiritual process. It all started in 2019 and I went through a rapid succession of changes and focus.
I realized at some point that this blog is backwards. All the posts are newest first, and often posts are mixed together by categorization rather than a continuous flow of thought. A reader might think I still hold onto an idea that I’ve now let go of.
To keep my thoughts straight (for myself, as well as the reader), I’ve decided to outline the changes I went through in sequential order.
- Prior to engaging in the LHP modality, I had been active in many different spiritual approaches since childhood. I was raised in a Pentecostal Christian home, but dabbled in occultism as a child. By my mid 20’s I was a Buddhist. After that I joined an occult order (Esoteric Order of the Golden Dawn) based around Kabbalistic magic. I left that and tried a variety of other occult systems (A.’.A.’., Aurum Solis, Enochian Magic, ToTSS). There were also ventures into religions like Scientology, Gnosticism, Hinduism and a guru here or there. While I feel a bit uneasy being so honest about some of these, I feel I should remain as transparent as possible. These ventures, whether they suckered me, or nurtured, taught me various life lessons.
- In 2013 or so, I came to a point of confusion. While I had moved away from Christianity, I still held onto a warm connection to the faith. I took cherry picked verses that I believed resonated with other faiths. It was around 2013 that something changed. I read the Old Testament. Specifically I read Numbers 31, and various passages in Deuteronomy. This tainted the whole notion of being of the Tetragramaton. My realization of the nature of the being of hate, and blood sacrifice caused an aversion to all forms of Hermetic / Kabbalistic magic.
- Mid 2019, I was introduced to LHP philosophy for the first time, by a High Priest of the Temple of Set. I was impressed with his attitude of non-drug use, focused spirituality, that was different than other pursuits of my past.
- That began an interest in researching The Temple of Set, which led to the investigation of the so-called Left Hand Path.
- I repurposed this blog to focus on the study of the Left Hand Path. Initially my goals were to learn more about the Temple of Set, so that I would request admittance. At the early stages, the main categories of this site related to Dr. Aquino, Don Webb, Dr. Stephen Flowers and other Temple of Set authors and lecturers.
- Running out of material, I decided to find some podcasts dealing with this same subject matter. That’s how I came across the Black Flame Immersion podcast.
- Although new to the Left Hand Path, I was impressed with the host and co-host of the Black Flame Immersion podcast in that I had come to many of their conclusions on various spiritual topics.
- Where the Temple of Set was heavy into research and intellectual ventures, the Black Flame Immersion podcast was heavily based on devotion and becoming a true Individual. This isn’t to say that Black Flame Immersion wasn’t intellectual, nor that the Temple of Set didn’t discuss Individualism. Rather that there was a heavier focus on research in the Temple of Set, and more of a Devotional approach towards Individuality from Black Flame Immersion.
- By this time I had learned that other LHP organizations were predominantly atheistic. This held no interest to me.
- Other organizations that were theistic LHP were also tied to Abrahamic rites of identification. This also held no interest to me.
- The two sources I followed that didn’t identify from Abrahamic material, and had a LHP focus, were the Black Flame Immersion podcast and the Temple of Set.
- Personal Gnosis came to me one day. I was sitting in meditation. Just contemplating the Black Flame of self, and my mind began to dwell upon an old hypothesis of mine. Since I’ve been in dozens of religions and groups, I’ve had the occurrence of feeling the presence of something akin to deity. From Christianity, to Buddhism, Hinduism, and occult societies, I had this same experience. I also had paranormal experiences popup along the way in each of these. In 2013 or so I came to a conclusion that this must be the work of one deity behind all faith. Now in 2019, a new thought began to form. I had an awareness of a greater and expansive sense of Self. This was also mentioned in the works of Don Webb. We had this view in common, he and I. It instantly clicked as a sense of awareness… it wasn’t one deity behind all those religions, it was me. A greater sense of me, an expanded Self (Crowley’s HGA) that was there with me. I was bringing this aspect of me wherever I went, and it is what I was feeling, as well as what powered the magic.
- Still anticipating that I would join the Temple of Set, I sat out for guidance. My process was incredibly simple. By this time I had enough background on the LHP to know the concept of the Black Flame – the symbol of individuality, the spark of consciousness. I created a space in a room, where I put a black candle on an altar representing the Black Flame. In a state of non-thought (via meditation) I held the intent for guidance on this path.
- I began to feel a need to destroy the past ties to my old filters (namely Christianity). But I wasn’t prepared for this. It scared me, this was my entire history. My life’s work that I put so much energy into. Even when I was a Hindu, a Daoist, and so on, I still held onto the teachings of the faith. To destroy that old filter seemed impossible. I wrote about this in my feelings on June 14, 2019. Guidance came, as I was open to it. It came in the form of seeing Christian abuse. I began to see Christians online bull baiting, throwing hate, casting dispersions, and generally inflaming my own anger. That anger built up to a point where I generated a strong antinomian resentment to the faith.
- On July 22, 2019, I performed my removal ritual. This was the process by which I would officially demonstrate my removal of the old filters of Christianity. I wrote about it in a journal entry. Suffice to say, I was in an angry mood over some poor behavior by some Christian. I was completely pissed off. I walked into my ritual chamber and starting reading a troubling passage in the Bible… and found myself tearing it out… burning it. I went through other passages, repeating the process. Spitting, tearing and burning, and in the end, I willed all the energy invested in the Christian faith to return back to me.
- Concluding the ritual, I felt I was in a vacuum. I felt alone. Isolated and even a little depressed. It felt like I made sure I could “never go home again.”
- Remaining open to the Intent of being guided by the Black Flame, I continued my meditation practice. I made a pact with whatever name of being was operating as the source of Individuality, to know that I would continue the process of letting go. It started with the old filter, but I was willing to let go of everything (with one exception, which remains personal.)
- About a week later, my Evangelical mother (who was living with me) made various decisions that triggered a response in me to let her go as well. I found this easier to do. I emotionally let go of her and began a dialogue of removing her from my home.
- Soon after that decision, my oldest friendship came to a head. My mind was changing. I was evolving. I wasn’t allowing for abuses anymore. This 20 year old friendship came to a head when I realized it was a parasitic relationship. It was so destructive that I had been concealing the majority of my personal beliefs and spiritual ideals from him. He was a materialist who would mock my spiritual pursuits. He also was destructive towards my creative ventures. In the past I began to hide who I was, to avoid ridicule. When he stepped into my life again to mock my situation with my mother, I snapped. Then I re-evaluated that whole friendship. It had become a crutch for me. But now I knew I had to let go of it. This was perhaps the hardest thing I did… even harder then destroying the Christian filter. I spoke to him and told it was time for us to part ways. I covered that in a journal entry from July 25, 2019.
- The letting go process wasn’t over. When I started down this path, I was doing what I always did – I was looking for a group to guide me. I don’t mean a mentor or advice, I mean joining a group that would guide the process. That group I thought would be the Temple of Set. I enjoyed my conversations with Don Webb and a few others from the Temple of Set. However, when I started the application process for joining the Temple, something happened. My application sat with no correspondence for nearly a month. Concerned it never arrived, I wrote the director of the Temple of Set. He replied with a claim that he had “sent me an email.” This seemed suspicious. However, he told me what the next step was. He gave me several questions to answer in essay format. I gave those questions 100% of my time and attention. Emailing him back the results, I waited… and waited… and waited. A week goes by. Then another week. I write an email to him again asking what’s going on. No response. Another week goes by. Then another. Unknown to me, this was weighing on my mind. I kept losing focus in meditation. One day I sat in meditation and felt this pull to the concept of “letting go.” “What more can I let go?” I was a bit frustrated that day. “I’ve given up the past… I’ve given up my mother. I’ve given up my longest friendship….” and then as I sat in silence, my mind thought of my application with the Temple of Set. The words from Don Webb on the subject of personal sovereignty surfaced… and I realized that while I was giving my all to the process, the group here was virtually ignoring me. My personal sovereignty was being lost in this process. Unlike my past self, I wasn’t going to sit back and let this happen. I needed to assert myself. I got up, right there, and wrote the director and asked him to stop the application process. This was written about in my journal entry from October 22, 2019.
- My realization after that, was that the Black Flame Immersion host was right. Groups, all groups are detrimental to Individuality. This began a deep dive on the subject of the Individual that is reflected in the later posts of 2019. I came to believe that a group is an egregore, an identify of a collective. To exist it has to have a boundary, a boundary that defines goals and expectations. As I had a plethora of groups in my past, I realized they all had this in common. As one touches the edge or boundary of belief, or expectations, you get warnings. Either a group will respond with condemnation, or with ignoring the user. In all cases, if this persists long enough, an Individual is expelled or expels themselves from the group.
- Further, I realized that my past had been in the joining and leaving of one group after another. Upon further analysis I realized that in most (if not all) of those cases and situations, I was experiencing a brief moment of Individuality. This caused the aversion to the group dynamic, which led to dissatisfaction with the groups. I now knew that group modalities were anathema to my goals.
- A book landed into my hands, a book called Liber Nigri Solis. While I’m always saying that a book or teaching can not become one’s path in itself, I did find much encouragement in the abstraction of the Path. I began to write more about this in a variety of posts.
- I took a break from books, and began to sit in darkness. Establish my own rituals and work. I began to create a magic practice based solely on three foundations: Will, Belief and Desire. With these alone the tapestries of a mythos wasn’t necessary. I worked directly with my Daemon (expanded Self) towards these goals and I got results.
- One practice I began in 2019 was in the harvesting of my own emotions. By drawing out my strong emotions and / or physical pain, I was able to use the intensity to fuel a projection. That emotion was then transformed in intent, to do something else. Depression, or hate became “bring me this need” and like creating artificial elementals, I sent out the newly programmed forces to do my work.
- As I came to a close on 2019, I realized that I had shifted entirely the original plan of mine. Gone was the idea of a group to join. I still keep in touch with mentors. I read books from time to time, but I’m not drawn to a group modality explaining the path to me. Nor am I allowing sovereignty to be misaligned. I still keep in touch with Don Webb, and the host of Black Flame Immersion. Speaking of the later, I began to feel like he does… that conventional names of the Path just don’t suffice. He chose Diabolism as his path’s name. I like that. He said he’s ok with others identifying in such a way… a way of doing the work towards Individuality, without the tappings of group think. Its goal being personal gnosis. I began to identify with Diabolism as well… in some cases I call it the Path of Darkness… other times I call it Diabolism. Such is how I ended the year 2019.
Major Take Aways from 2019
I can think of two focuses that were impressed upon me the first year of my trek into the Left Hand Path. These are my personal issues and bias of mine. My attempt in discussing it here is not to create dogma (light), but to describe the process of darkness (creation).
Prior to standing on the Left Hand Path, I had some gnosis regarding the nature of Self. The LHP helped flush this out into something more concrete.
My view is like that of Aristotle, there is a part of Self called the Daemon – the Greater, more Wisdom based Self. This self is very expansive, and the way I view it, it isn’t a bound being, but more akin to a field of existence. In my opinion, when a person mind / astral projects, they are not so much (in my view) walking somewhere, but more like become aware of a space that the exist already. In other words our Self (Daemon) is like a field that floods existence. Just as one can put their focus on their knee, one can also become aware of other spatial states that the Daemon is at, to become aware of it.
I see the Daemon as the guidance, and the power source of the Initiate.
Through the work of Black Flame Immersion, I began to really tune into my own sovereignty and Individuality. This has framed my work. The work of the Individual will come with extreme isolation, and at times it requires great sacrifice.
Friends, family and others can be lost to the process. This is the nature of becoming the Individual.
The old filters must be dealt with. Anything that filters one’s reality with a dogma, (light), is contrary to the Individual process. Light infers another’s gnosis, another’s teaching… and this tends to gravitate towards group-think, and organized beliefs.
Therefore, I’ve come to a conclusion that true Individuality is going to let go of Light (dogma). Groups are disregarded in favor of personal gnosis through self effort and work. This, to me, is the Path of Darkness.