After posting my previous editorial on Collective Thought, I went to lunch and had a realization: I’m really not happy today, but I’ve been distracting from these views of the world around me with various hobbies.

Around the end of 2019 I spent some money on myself. I invested in some tools for music production. That kept me distracted. In fact it was a bit too much. I lost my way a bit, even putting off meditation and spiritual practice. In time I readjusted and balanced out, but as I did, I began to feel the frustrations of the world encroaching on me yet again.

It’s not so much about the “negative” aspects of life that bothers me, but rather a general lack of interest in the world. It’s the avoidance of my humanity, that very thing I’ve been trying to stoke and keep the fires burning with music, photography and video production.

I get into these moods and I start spending money on something. Something that will captivate my attention for a bit. Today I am holding back from doing this yet again. Forcing myself to face the drudgery of life is hard.

This world simply lacks things of interest. I’m not a social person. I had to pretend interest this past Sunday at a football game, something called the Super Bowl. 😛 Yet I really didn’t want to be there. I’m not like those types of people. Not saying they’re less than me, they just have a different vantage point – they are trying to create interest in a world that I abhor.

Certainly I’m thankful for my wife and kids. But life itself seems like a persistent cycle of events that repeat. My mother was living with me, until I told her she wasn’t welcome anymore. Now she lives in an elderly apartment, and still she is pestering me. The same cycle repeats. Work cycles through the same topics.

I’m not sure what value this article has, other than expressing my thoughts and feelings about a world that lacks substance.

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