I was thinking of the changes I’ve gone through on this path of the Left-Hand. I started my research into it in June of 2019. By July I was internally asking for guidance from my Higher Self / Daemon of the path. That guidance began to intersect me with various people – including Don Webb and the host of the Black Flame Immersion podcast. Influenced with their ideas, I reshaped some material into a workable program for myself.
I made my break with the past – and my world shook asunder.
For those who wonder what changes on the path… if you give your all, your essence, your totality of devotion… everything changes. The daily Sacrifice isn’t just your time, it’s your very life.
“Lest the Past Die… Kill it if you have to….”
While I cringe at quoting fictional characters, the words of Kylo Ren are perhaps the truest way I can express the nature of the path. The past has to go. It may require the killing of old religions, relationships, old friendships, family ties… and these ripples will keep detangling more and more of the past.
This “Killing” of course is not literal, it is a metaphor for the severing of the Old things. Those old filters are burned away and the power once invested in them is pulled back into the Self.
For me it started with burning a book and Taking back all the energy I had invested into that path. Vacuumed into an invisible seal, I was completely alone. In this isolation I reached out thinking I wanted to belong somewhere….
Soon I was letting go of my mother… then my longest running friendship of 20 years…. That was hard. Letting go of my mother was easy, sad, but easy. My friendship… much more difficult. I thought it was the hardest thing I’d have to go through. But the process wasn’t yet complete.
The one group I thought I wanted to join (a group of the Left Hand Path) turned out to be different than I had thought. All the same aspects of groups I’ve been involved with rose to the surface during the application process. In my chamber it became clear that I had one more thing to kill off – I had to kill the need for joining and getting instruction from group modalities. Mid October, I severed the application process with that group and with that I was fully alone.
While my brothers have been distant to me my entire life, I had a mild friendship with my oldest brother. But his constant dropping out of my life has caused me to see it as a drag on my sovereignty. That relationship I have now let go of as well. Sometimes I wonder where this will end.
You seem so lost. I feel like crying for you….
Those words spoken by someone close to me, came as a shock. She had asked about God and my words formed to express my views and then I saw how it took shape in her. I was almost foreign. So different now, I seemed to be floating in a dark sea at night.
Now the fear. Fear I hadn’t known before in the ritual chamber. It began to stir last night and the terrors and panic attacks began to run through my mind and body. It took much effort to remain calm, hold my thought, and speak my oratory to the symbol of my path, Lucifer.
It feels like a test. Can I persist in the face of fear, in the face of uncertain panic? I did last night. I persisted. My dreams are weird and new. Dreams of my dead father ignoring me, as though he was ashamed of me. Changes in my environment, and feelings are common now.
This is the path of the Left-Hand. It lacks the sensei, teacher and instructor… as it should. This is the path of hard lessons faced alone. You might wonder, “what’s the upside?” All I can say is that the this feels true and real, even if there is no “upside,” the path appears to be congruent and right.